Air travel "funnies"

[PNG]

During my travels, I have seen many funny events during air travel. One of my old favorites was on a flight from somewhere in PNG to somewhere else in PNG, when the ceiling on the left side of the Air Niu Guinea 737 we were on fell onto the passengers on the entire port side of the plane. Nobody blinked an eye. They just took the pieces of ceiling along with the air masks and put them out of the way. Two months ago while waiting on a flight from Houston to New Orleans, as the plane pulled up to the skyway, smoke started pouring out from the port side engine. The pilot on the starboard side threw open his little cockpit window and started screaming at the linesmen while hanging out of his window. The linesmen started yelling back. In moments the plane was surrounded by vehicles of every sort and photographers with still and video cameras were running around filming everything in sight. Come to find out the linesmen put out several plastic cones in front of the plane. The area is supposed to be kept clear until the plane stops moving. One or more plastic cones were sucked into the engine. Needless to say, the pilot was pissed! We had to wait for another plane to be made ready for our flight to New Orleans.

[ChoWeb]

Oh, that first one would scare me a little bit.

My favorite one is when I was flying to Vegas and I am fairly sure the pilot was under the influence.

He started rambling on the intercom.."So sit back and enjoy the flight...cause that's what we're doing..flying..well..I'm flying and you're sitting..This is a great plane folks..and if you look to your left you'll see the grand canyon. Ain't it pretty?"

Luckily, I was drinking too, so I didn't have a chance to be concerned.

[Alex]

"Come to find out the linesmen put out several plastic cones in front of the plane."

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That is pretty dumb. That guy probably would not make enough in a lifetime to replace that engine.

[Jerry]

Does your name, PNG mean Papua New Guinea?

[flyinbayou]

"Come to find out the linesmen put out several plastic cones in front of the plane."

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That is pretty dumb. That guy probably would not make enough in a lifetime to replace that engine.

Not exactly funny but....

That happened to us last week. Another "outsourced" station with part-time employees that make minimum wage. No experience since this type of employee quits after finding they were lied to about the "glory" of working for an airline and that perk of flying free really isn't all that it is cracked up to be because your boarding priority is lower than whale dung.

The jetway driver was oh so happy to see us (we were the last flight of the night and early) but as she was docking the jetway to us I could see her demeanor change dramatically. Hmmm? Upon opening the cockpit door the station manager told me that "we have a big problem"!

It seems that the part-time ramper placed a "safety" cone in front of the running engine as we were waiting for external power to be connected. At least he reached around the engine to place it otherwise he would have been sucked in along with the safety cone.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea ... ID=3217608

Sooooo....no maintenance on the field (all mechanics were outsourced also and this fix would be a complicated task) so control charters a plane to fly the management mechanics in to fix/inspect the engine so we can fly the airplane out the next morning.

9 hrs. later, the mechanics are finishing up as we arrive back at the airport. They say the cone was cleaned out, the engine scoped and given a clean bill of health and the write-up signed off.

Not exactly. We get a pretty good vibration from the engine on the ensuing flight. Write it up again, and the plane is grounded so the next flight(s) are now cancelled.

We (pilots) ofter wonder how the bean counters justify all of this. Trading experience for salary/benefits has never worked...in any industry.
Just think of the cost of this repair and the possible outcome of the inexperienced ramper's mistake.

I actually have some funny stories to tell but thought that you should know what is going on out there.
Not wanting to hog the thread I will wait to tell. But remind me of the one with the Bahama Mamma on the toilet in MIA.

[PNG]

Does your name, PNG mean Papua New Guinea?

Yes. I used to sign up with my full name, but tf said that I was hiding behind anonymity.

[flyinbayou]

I was flying to Vegas and I am fairly sure the pilot was under the influence.

In case you didn't know, that kind of accusation is not taken lightly. Unfortunately, it happens more than you would think, often by somebody trying to be funny. When careers are on the line, appropriate action is required. Here's a incident that happened last week.

Pilots take sobriety tests before flight departs


UNION-TRIBUNE

July 19, 2008

SAN DIEGO: A Northwest Airlines flight was delayed from leaving Lindbergh
Field by almost 90 minutes yesterday when the pilot and co-pilot volunteered
to take sobriety tests, a spokeswoman for the airline said.
The incident began when a passenger on Northwest Flight 184 from San Diego
to Minneapolis/St. Paul thought the pilot and co-pilot had been intoxicated
on a different Northwest flight on a different date, spokeswoman Leslie
Parker said.

In a statement, Northwest said: "In response to this, the crew (pilot and
co-pilot) participated in self-selected sobriety tests. All results were
negative."

Parker said the flight, scheduled to leave at noon, departed San Diego at
1:27 p.m.

She said she did not have further details about the incident because the
plane was in the air, but acknowledged that a passenger making such a
statement was unusual.

"It's something I've not ever heard of before," Parker said. -S.S.

[ChoWeb]

Nor is it unheard of for pilots to be drunk. There have been recent incidents of it, and its not beyond the realm of possibility. From the story your offered, I didn't read about anyone making an accusation in an effort to be "funny." From the article, the spokes person comments that such an accusation is also "unusual."

That said, your admonition is poorly placed. Yes, I do know that its a serious accusation to make. Did I name names? Did I say what airline, and when I flew? I didn't.

On the other hand, Maybe I should have said something at the time if I had a concern. I didn't, though, because I had no other proof other than a slightly slurred, strange rambling monologue over the 'com, and I wasn't the only one that noticed. So maybe now you can skewer me for not saying something. When lives are on the line appropriate action should be taken, right? Or is that wrong now?

You can't do anything right with some people.

[flyinbayou]

That said, your admonition is poorly placed.

So maybe now you can skewer me for not saying something.

So Cho, is your sensitivity knob always turned to MAX?!

Hardly an admonition and definitely not directed solely at you but more towards the flying public in general.

Yep, there have been all kinds of incidents of _____s (fill in the blank with a profession) working while intoxicated. It is inexcusable and should not be tolerated. In fact, it isn't tolerated in our industry at all and almost always results in immediate termination. Last time I checked the positive returns from the results of random drug and alcohol testing were well below .05%.

For what it is worth, the spokeswoman used the term "unusual". Well, define unusual. In her world, with thousands of departures a day, she is not all that wrong if this happens once a day. (BTW, it doesn't always make the paper since a flight delay/cancellation is hardly newsworthy these days!) It is also up to the crew to decide how they want to handle it. It happens to me once a year.

While it didn't go into the exchange between said passenger and pilots, what typically happens is that a smart ass, who usually has been drinking, tries to be funny in front of other passengers by nonchalantly asking "So, have you guys been drinking today?" as he sways in his boots. (FWIW, we back our flight attendants 100% if they want to deny boarding to anyone that looks intoxicated. They have enough to deal with without having to put up with a obnoxious drunk!)

The ball stops there. End of game, off to get tested. Misconnections or cancellations ensue.

Oh sure. It will definitely buy you a trip to the chief pilot's office but that is a lot easier than, God forbid, if you were to actually have an incident on the flight and having someone say "that guy in the boarding area said they were drinking!"

Just bear in mind the consequences of your actions is all I'm saying. It's our job on the line so we get pretty sensitive over "inane" accusations.

Or you can just disregard what I wrote and on your next flight accuse the crew of being drunk. If that isn't going to be for a while head to a crowded theater and yell "FIRE" to get your rocks off.

[Dark and Stormy]

Because I want to get where I am going, I always make a point of being meek and agreeable with the flight attendants, even when they are, er, harried. I know it is a challenging time in a hard job and the skies are full of idiot passengers. Still I can't help being a bit sympathetic to this situation:
Norm: I got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess.
Greg Focker: I was not threatening her. I was just trying to get my bag into the overhead storage thing...
Norm: You were acting like a maniac and you threatened her with a bomb.
Greg Focker: No, I said I didn't have a bomb.
Norm: But you said bomb.
Greg Focker: I said, "It's not like I have a bomb".
Norm: You said "Bomb" on an airplane.
Greg Focker: What's wrong with saying 'Bomb' on an airplane?
Norm: You can't say 'Bomb' on an airplane!
Greg Focker: Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb. You gonna arrest me? Bomb bomb bomb bomb! During the war I was a BOMBadier!
Norm: You assaulted an airline employee and I oughta put you away for years!